The untruth in the truth of love

Logic often fails to describe matters of heart and passion. When faced with rational life decisions, man sometimes has the propensity to choose the seemingly irrational – something that is close to his heart, congruent with his passions, confirming with his beliefs - some dormant inklings which were completely hidden, consciously unknown to himself and oblivious thus far.

The choices made have no rational basis. They are in fact, quite contrary to the needs and wants of security, calmness, affection and companionship that a simple normal life wants. Yet sometimes man chooses something which is more difficult, something fraught with danger, attached to despair; trespassing the security of society, of family, of companionship to take a path which is lonely, dangerous and gloomy - one which he has to travel alone but atleast it is his own path.

Take love for example. Everyone falls in love…some unfortunately fall out of it. Normal simple way suggests to get on with it, move on, find another recourse – make life simpler again. But yet sometimes, something keeps him hinged, keeps him there, does not let him get out. His thoughts are occupied with the past love, of times spent together, of joy, of happiness, of togetherness. Bad situations of course transpired, for things came to an end. But yet mysteriously the supposed love remains.

Is that what people call Real Love? Is there such a thing actually as a True love? It is really hard to say, precisely because it is hard to quantify…modern brain works on logic and logic is what alludes in matters of love!

How would you explain falling in love, in the first instance, with logic? I believe you cannot. For if somebody can give me a reason why she loves me – logic it could be, love it cannot be!

When a person falls in love, he is unable to explain what exactly for. There were so many variables, thousands of possibilities, uncountable factors that come together and yet somehow arranged together in that perfect sense which embodied itself in that feeling of love.

For this precise reason, I find it rather naïve and childish when people question – describe your dream partner? No such a thing exists. The equation of love is not a determinate solution set, which if you fill in with a limited set of variables that the equation completes itself…..and hence a set of specific characteristics could fit the equation of your love.

The equation, if I may continue the mathematical analogy further, is far more complex, indefinite and beyond comprehension…. you cannot know for certain the nature, extent and scope of your own love….for yourself, for someone, for the larger society. The equation is an indeterminate one, too complex for any simpler set of analytics. That is why I believe the only way to find the true nature of love is to put it to test!!

Not very much unlike the tests performed in empirical settings and later results observed to identify the nature of a substance – love needs to be tested to prove its substance.  This will still be but random observations, but this is the only way to understand a tiny sub section of its nature. It is only through trial and tribulation that the seemingly irrational, yet strongly passionate feelings would sift through the theoretical mechanical love. There are no simple or complex tests to judge and interpret the nature of love. How love behaves in one test might be quite different from how it will face the trial of fire next time – but each time a different part of its nature can be discovered.

At least as it passes through sequential trials, it starts presenting the certainty of its substance, showcasing some strength of its own – which did not to fail and falter at the easiest hurdles. That is why since time immemorial love has been put to swords, cut in halves by saw, made to walk on fire, been bricked alive in walls…for the only way a reasoning human mind can understand its abstract nature is to put it to test and see the results for itself. And what fatal results it has been put to!

Before the impression that testing it is such a way will help understand the abstract nature of love, gives way to a pre-matured conclusion, I would like to present an even bigger problem at hand. Supposedly, the presence of love can be proved and some part of its nature learned through such testing– even yet still, it remains completely indeterminate from an emotional and psychological point of view.

What are the feelings of love? Where is love born from – is it a an elevated desirous form of the latent basic needs of human psyche or is there some divine virtue at play behind it? What is that you love when you say that you love someone? Do we love that person or do we love the effect that person has on us or brings to our life…is that we love the feeling of being loved, of being accepted, of being worthy of someone’s love? Is it about how loves make us feel or is it about how it makes our loved one feel….what is that we are being driven by? Do we love for our own sake or for the benefit of others?

Also, how is love different? Can it be different? Is the love of a child towards his mother different from the love between two lovers? Is the love and compassion one has for poor and desolate different from the love for a cute puppy/kitten? Is it really all that complex…does it really have all these forms and variations. Maybe it is, if we accept the love to be a projection of desires and wants; and different desires being fulfilled by different people in different phases of one’s life explains the feeling love for them. Given such a view, love is nothing but a form of selfish attachment for the fulfilment of needs and wants.    

Or maybe it is again the curse of human reasoning that we have turned something so sublime and divine and segregated it into blocks of motives and reasoning’s and reduced it to a mortal earthly character.  Love originated from the Creator himself and that is why resides in the same place where the Creator himself resides….the human heart. Is it really that love is One and probably that love is the only Divine that we all worship without realising that again we have given it different forms and names. Is there really something universal, selfless and unconditional about the spirit of love?

A friend once asked Lord Krishna – “What is the meaning of love?” to which the Lord replied – “Where there is meaning, there is no love!”

Can we really be unconditional and selfless in our pursuit of love or is there always a selfish interest, a weak sinister motive, a desire for self-affection, a need for appreciation at play behind the outer display of our love? It is certain for me atleast, that this is what the ideal is – to love selflessly and unconditionally.

Even if some ideal picture of love is somewhat clear – the problem is that the picture is too divine. The curse of man is that he is born free; and in this freedom he is completely driven by his whims and fancies, his material and corporal desires, he is bound by attachments, driven by greed, overtaken by ego. To the extent that, nothing and absolutely nothing exists that he does, which cannot be explained by his selfish motives. Even the most exalted acts of selflessness are but a mere outer dressing to conceal the inner desires. Let me explain.

Can somebody really take the pain of a broken relationship, of his claimed True love, and devote the rest of his life to the memory of that True love? Can somebody really manage to keep their love intact…live in the memory of past, rejoice in the happiness it already provided him, and not search in vain for a lesser love. Can such a selfless love really exist?

Or is it again the propensity of man for self-acclaim that maybe drives him to the above suffering? For there is a glamour in suffering, there is a sweet pain in suffering for your beliefs, to pose yourself as a victim of fate and to suffer for it, to build the fancy notion of strength and heroism, to feel and believe in your make believe divine strength, to pride yourself in the courage of your character, proving your resoluteness to your beliefs and passions, in the attestation of sincerity of your emotions, of showcasing the sanctity of your love -  and there is certain glory in suffering for all this!

Can you really endure the pain of true love or is it the ego of man again that drives him to his self-proclaimed saintliness of his heart and to set the stage for the grand act of his Crucifixion for his convictions and selfless love?

“O thou, mortal human, it is the curse of thy life,

for even in the thine pursuit of virtue, thou are lead by vice”.